Behind the Scenes: Home

In many ways, my life can reflect Psalm 30 where David gives thanksgiving for deliverance from death. Yet it is in 2022 when god writes verses 11 and 12 in my life. These verses say “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with your gladness, that my soul may sing your praises and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” This is a year of many deliverance’s for me and a year I will never forget. But there is one in particular I want to share with you. At this time, I was walking with my mom. This was the time my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Her choices of treatment were chemotherapy with the possibility of a couple of weeks to months added to her life. Alternatively, she could choose no chemotherapy and possibly have six months to live. I, still, prefer my mom’s description of her treatment. She asked, “Should I spend the rest of my life with quality or sick and bedridden?” At that time, I must admit I couldn’t understand her view. I couldn’t even start to see the choice of no chemotherapy. I mourned over her decision. Nonetheless, by the grace of God, her final days were filled with moments that I personally will treasure for the rest of my life. This doesn’t mean that the road was easy, for anyone. It means that when God is at the center, you can experience joy, peace, and comfort. You can also find strength, hope, and acceptance of what lies ahead. This brings me to Psalm 23, Such a beautiful Psalm, and well-known to many. It was the first Psalm that was branded on my heart. Verse five says, “You prepare a table before me as my enemies watch; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” Have you ever stopped to think about what “In the presence of my enemy” actually means? I’ve recently heard a speaker suggest it might imply that God is saying, “I see all the chaos around you. Nonetheless, come and sit with me in it for a while.” Hmm… As I think back to this season of my life, I can see my mom’s home becoming a battlefield. I can see where the enemy tried to steal all the blessings that God had in store for us. I can see him throwing arrows of heartbreak. He was sparking dormant emotions of fear and anger. He spoke words of manipulation and even lust of hearts. Let’s pause for a moment. I understand how this sounds. Trust me, I know that as we look around, seeing physical people in front of us makes it easy. It’s easy to point fingers and blame “that person.” Still, as followers of Christ we put our faith in the supernatural everyday. In this journey, we need to acknowledge the good. We must also accept that evil is a true enemy. Acknowledging the struggle includes understanding that there is a spiritual war going on. The apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:12. He said, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. Instead, we struggle against the rulers, the authorities, and the cosmic powers over this present darkness. We fight against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Let me also add that the enemy can and will use our sinful nature against us and against others., through different methods.His whole goal is simply to keep your eyes off God. As we move forward, my prayer is that you gain some insight. I hope you understand the truth of what is behind the scenes of what we see with our eyes. Now let’s rewind back to my mother’s home. I could tell you about the things she saw and experienced as her body deteriorated while her spirit held fast. Or I could tell you about the supernatural things we experienced in this home. I also witnessed people push through barriers for love. Yet,I’m not going to. I’m going to describe two events instead. These events were used by God to open my eyes to the spiritual war in which we live. Keep in mind at this time I was not walking with the Lord, that wouldn’t come for months later. It was here in the Last 7 days of her life. I truly saw God move like never before. It was a time of profound spiritual revelation in my life. I also truly lost track of days. I can’t tell you the specifics of the days these events happened, in that time frame. Also at some point, the atmosphere itself had shifted in her room. I can share the physical of it. I’m not sure when we all started to set her room into this manner. I am sure we all fell in sync with it. No one was pushing against it. The lightening in her room became dim more often than not. Curtains closed and only a table lamp lit the room. Her bedroom door stayed closed for the most part. People tended to use their “library voices.” There was always someone holding her hand. We tried the whole rubber glove trick, but it didn’t stick. Sometimes soft music played, but not always. As you can imagine, the bed was outlined with chairs for visitors. Some would just crawl onto the bed next to her. The atmosphere in her room was thick with love, peace, and a calmness that could be felt. Honestly, I don’t even recall her room having much sadness. Yes, she was dying and was very much loved. But sadness didn’t take the stage in this room. Know on the outside of my moms room was a different story. For some time, the enemy has had a foothold in my family. He has built walls, planted seeds of resentment freely played with emotions and so on. None the less my mom loved her family and they loved her. When she would ask for someone they would push through to be by her side. One day she asked for someone she hadn’t seen for some time. I can truly say when he arrived at her side, her face lit up. They spoke words of love to one another. It was beautiful. This person eventually left the room and when they did the enemy began to move. Some events took place that I won’t speak of but it was as if “gasoline to a fire”. I was sitting next to my mom and I believe someone else was in the room. We heard a ruckus yet payed it no mind until my moms door was flung open. I jumped in front of my mom’s face with her bed facing the door and everything in full view. I kept saying “Mom, look at me. Just keep looking at me.” Our eyes were locked the whole time. Why was this my reaction? I have no clue. While I sat there I heard someone yelling “shut the door, close her door”. So I know my reaction in keeping her separated from that, was not only mine. Wondering what was the view from her room was? Chaos, screaming, hatred, untamed emotions.. the enemy moving. My mom house as a battlefield and there was a door that divided it for a time. It was as if God had prepared this room specifically for this moment. This moment gives us a visual of the war. He is fighting it on our behalf every single moment. He does this every single day. Praise the Lord! How incredible it is that he would do this for us. He shines a light in dark hidden places that we couldn’t otherwise see. In the same place, he shines a light of hope. You see the other moment I want to share is just that to me, hope. In this moment, my mom was so frail. Her body, in my opinion, was literally bone and skin. She was sustained for days with only drops of water. We gave her through the end of a straw. Yet her spirit was so strong, it’s amazing to me even today. On this particular night, her destination was very clear. We were in the same dim, love-filled room. It was the middle of the night, so everyone went home or turned in. I was sleeping on the bed across from her when I was awoken by her voice. I turned to see what was going on. There she was, my spirit-filled, frail, on-the-brink-of-death mother. Her face was pointed upwards and her bony arms were in the air. She was clapping and giving a strong praise to the Lord. It was as though she stood in his very presence and wanted to burst out of her body. I laid very still and didn’t speak, I simply laid and listened until I eventually drifted back to sleep. I don’t know how long she praised him. I do know that after that, there was a change in her. I had never seen my mom worship before that night, not once. I can’t even recall a time we spoke about him before this season of our lives. I can now truly say that I am blessed every day with his presence in my life. I am truly grateful that he allows me to be part of his story.